1. |
Hard To Be Alive
01:45
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This would be easier if I could see what comes next
The hardest part of living is the constant fear of death
I’m not dumb enough to think that I’m smart enough to know
How any of us got here or what happens when we go
But I think that life is a series of mostly random events
That’s what I tell myself when I’m driving home
and I’m trying to make sense
‘Cause I miss the backroads in my hometown and the darkness
Of the late-night drive home from the Jersey Shore
and the walk through the garden
I’ve tried this a few times with the goal
of getting out from under the weight
Of the years I spent being horrible to everyone
and realizing it's way too late
To burn up, throw away, and erase
Burn up, throw away, and erase
Burn up, throw away, and erase
Everything about myself that I hate
All this time spent inside of my head
This time, I’ll try not to obsess
About death
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2. |
The Subterraneans
03:59
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I think about killing myself, but it’s mostly hypothetical
I just need someone to talk to, but I can’t pay for a professional
It’s just some days everything weighs a little more
I think about how hard I’ve tried
and how hard I haven’t tried
and how much I have tonight
I think back on all the times
when I was younger and felt more alive
and for some reason still wanted to die
Now we’re up in smoke
And we’re down in flames
And we’re all alone
But we all feel the same
We’re just lonesome travelers
With made-up names
In these subterranean hideouts
I feel like I’m fading away
I know now that I’ll never know
If I prefer summer storms or fresh snow
To be landlocked or along the coast
I know now what life is not
I’ve stopped comparing it to what I thought
it would be, I still have no idea what I want
Now we’re up in smoke
And we’re down in flames
And we’re all alone
But we all feel the same
We’re just lonesome travelers
With made-up names
In these subterranean hideouts
I feel like I’m fading away
I think about killing myself, but it’s mostly hypothetical
I need someone to talk to but I can’t pay for a professional
It’s just some days everything weighs a little more
But I made it here, turn out the lights, I’ll lock the door
Now we’re up in smoke
But we’re down in flames
And we’re all alone
But we all feel the same
We’re just lonesome travelers
With made-up names
In these subterranean hideouts
I feel like I’m fading away
I'm so afraid of fading away
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3. |
Still Radiating Light
02:53
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Something bigger is happening for sure
Something we can never wrap our heads around
I don’t believe in a Heaven anymore
If I ever did anyway, it could all be traced back to a doubt
That this could all be meaningless and randomized
That this could all be explained with scientific proof
Lately I’m just trying not to overanalyze
And let myself get dragged back to the hell that I’ve been through
It doesn’t have to be so difficult
But it’s typical of me to forget
It doesn’t have to get so crazy
Slow it down, baby, take a breath
I started growing up in the pages of On The Road
And tried to be the Heart of every Saturday Night
And every time she announced her independence, I would throw
Myself into darkness and try to survive
It doesn’t have to be so difficult
But it’s typical of me to forget
It doesn’t have to get so crazy
Slow it down, baby, take a breath
I was dressed like Tom Waits and she looked like a movie star
In plain clothes but still radiating light
She never fell for me the way I fell for her
But I guess that’s all right
'Cause I’m still alive
It doesn’t have to be so difficult
But it’s typical of me to forget
It doesn’t have to get so crazy
Stop worrying about what’s next
It doesn’t have to be so difficult
But it’s typical of me to forget
It doesn’t have to get so crazy
Slow it down, baby, take a breath
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4. |
Transcend
04:43
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I zoned out for a second and crashed my car
I coasted around the corner and parked it
I figured we’d just crash on my friend’s couch for the night
She insisted we go back to her apartment
I barely remember the cab ride
I barely remember going to bed
I remember waking up in the hot and bright sunlight
With a heavy head
How do we accept ourselves when we fuck up?
How do we accept that we’re all gonna die?
Debt collectors keep calling
Resurrecting the feeling that I’m falling
Close my eyes, sit back, and feel the pulse in my head
'Til the rhythm becomes strangely calming
I remember so much of the long drive
I remember seeing signs for South Bend
The recycling of cells and the slipping away of time
Are impossible to comprehend
How do we get past the feeling that we’re nothing?
How do we accept that we’re all gonna die?
Transcend our attachment
To every single nonevent
And stop trying to reinvent
The human experience
Transcend our attachment
To the ideas we represent
And the crushing discontent
And unanswerable questions
Transcend your attachment
To every single nonevent
Stop worrying about when
All of this will come to an end
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Craig Needles Chicago, Illinois
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